more often than not, i have scoffed at those who feel the incessant need to express their feelings on blogs. has society degenerated to the point where writing down your feelings and expressing them in cyberspace to faceless followers has become the only means of expression for our generation?
today, i feel the need to do the same. not because there is no one to talk to. but because the people around me are still feeling the freshness of the sting too much to be able to talk about this without it bringing more tears.
this morning, along with countless friends, i mourned the passing of one who is dear to us. not all of us knew him well enough to name his favourite band or food or football team but he had touched our lives in one way or another.
a man of only 29 and just only starting out his journey in this life, he had to leave. to take the road down the path that many of us fear by himself. to test the waters so that when we embark of the same road, he will be able to guide us. to hold our hand and tell us that everything will be alright.
he had slipped into a coma about two and a half months ago. and while many visited him at the hospital, i never did. i don’t know why but i couldn’t bring myself to. maybe in the back of my mind, i didn’t want to see him lying there. to see how real all of this was. i always thought of how tough it would be for him when he woke up. it never crossed my mind that he wouldn’t make it.
three nights ago, after his passing, i attended the first of three nights of his wake. as i peered over the edge of his coffin to see how handsome and peaceful he looked all suited up, it seemed like he was merely sleeping. a deep slumber that had him oblivious of all those who had come to see him.
when i arrived home after the wake, it still had not registered. there was a disconnect somewhere. something was not gelling. how could this guy who was always cracking lame jokes and laughing his bashful self-conscious chuckle truly be gone?
this morning, at his funeral, it seemed to hit me. i really wouldn’t be hearing from him again. i wouldn’t be seeing him again. we would not be joking or laughing together again. even as the reality of his death sunk in, looking at some of the pictures that our other friends had posted up on various social networking sites, i still had hope that i would run into him again at some gig or event of coffee shop.
there is no making up for lost time, but i hope you see all of us who have gathered to show you the love that is yours. the love that you have shown us that we are now showering you with.
rest in peace. i’m sure the big guy up there is loving how you lick that bass of yours and you’re having a rocking good time with the angels. you’ve taught us not to take the people around us for granted. as we will not take for granted the time, however fleeting, that we have had you in our lives.